Three Crazy Men (well, maybe one boy)

Okay, so Laurie read this really cool piece called "Crazy in a Nut Shell" that was stream of consciousness like Ann Lamont, so here goes…That was a crazy night last night Dan says this morning with the four times, divorced, drunk friend, the unibomber, and the under-age drinking student. Yeah, it was I thought. When I met Dan at the pub, the four times, divorced, drunk friend, Mike, was there and drinking a lot. He was loud and obnoxious as usual. I feel sorry for him and all but he is just odd. He was actually shot by a student when he was teacher at McDuffy High School and he tells everyone the story. But anyway, I can only take so much of him. Then, I ask Dan is Mike okay to drive because I was getting in my mommy mode, as Dan calls it. Dan says he fine and to stop worrying. Yeah, right. As a mommy, I worry all the time. Pretty soon, this unusual guy walks in the bar. He looks Indian or something and I like talking to those people, not that I’m racist or prejudice or anything, but they are usually very interesting and cool. He was really different looking. I couldn’t quite tell his ethnicity. He was like dirty or something or maybe Native American. I don't know. But anyway, he is carrying this orange cooler type bag, and of course, just my luck, he sits right next to me at the bar. And exactly at that moment, my husband decides to go to the bathroom. Not the time to leave me alone. I mean it's not like scared or anything just uncomfortable. He immediately starts moaning about needing a cigarette, so I thought that saying that to get one of mine, so I offer him one. He says that he has one in the car and he needs to go and get it. Finally Shane, the bartender, walks over and this guy asks him if he can leave his bag at the bar while he gets his smoke. Shane is a really cool bartender and person. He is actually Irish and works in an Irish pub. Cool, huh! We were invited to his wedding a few years ago so maybe that means we spend too much time in this bar. But McGees is like my Cheers, where everyone knows your name. Dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah... I always talk to people at bars or wherever because people are so interesting. Anyway, he leaves and leaves his orange bag that he brought in with him. I instantly think of the unibomber and leaving bags somewhere. Like in the airport, don’t leave your bags unattended. Maybe it had something to do with the IRA and British fighting and blowing up this Irish bar. Then a waitress walks over with a puzzled look in her eyes. She says that she knows that guy, the unibomber, came in with a bag but then didn’t leave with a bag. I tell her about the unibomber image I have and then Shane comes back and says that the guy is just a fucking idiot. Shane's Irish accent said it more like fouucking idiot. I love Irish accents. Then Dan returns and we, me, Dan, Shane, and the waitress, all debate about looking in the bag. Well, I'm glad we didn't look because here comes the unibomber with a cigarette and starts talking about South Dakota and so I instantly say that I was born there and we start chatting about the Badlands and Mt. Rushmore and the snow. Well, then Dan and I decide to go to Fuij, a Japanese Steakhouse. As soon as we walk in, Dan sees an old student at the bar named Jasco. I think that's his last name but I'm not really sure. So Dan says Jasco what’s up. Me, Jasco, and Dan talk about the food and sushi. Jasco has his own set of chopsticks that he brings to the restaurant. Dan has some too but he always forgets to bring them. After a beer or two, Jasco shows us his left arm with about five small red holes. I say what have you been doin’ shootin’ up or something. He says that he woke up the other morning with safety pins stuck in his arm and he couldn't quite remember how it happened because he was really drunk. I instantly go into Mommy mode again and say did you go to the doctor, did you tell your parents. Well, no, he did neither. Then I ask Jasco, how old are you and when did you graduate. Well, Dan and Jasco change the subject and start talking about The Grateful Dead and touring and such and then after sushi and rice and veggies and beer we leave. As we exit, Dan says that Jasco is only 19 so that is why they gave me “the look” when age came up so okay that’s it. The four times, divorced, drunk friend, the unibomber, and the underaged drinking student. It was quite a night and I don’t have crazy nights anymore because of my mommy mode and all but it was fun.

Thick

Thick

“Thick!” That’s what she said. “You’re mighty thick for a vegetarian.”
I hated to tell people this fact about myself while working at Applebee’s on Augusta Road. I still hate to tell most people this morsel about my life because they instantly judge and question me: Why? Why? Why? Well, the answer is that I really don’t know why, but I just am. People think that it’s weird but it seems natural to me.
Ribs were a big part of the food at Applebee’s and everyone always asked about them. “Are they beef or pork?” “Are they big or little?” “Are they fatty?” Well, I always answered these questions the best that I could, but on this day with this one lady, the questions would not stop. “Well, have you eaten them?”
“No,” I reluctantly answered.
“Why not?” she continued to question.
And on and one and on. So, I broke down-I told her. It should be a rule somewhere. If you work in a restaurant that serves meat, and you’re a vegetarian, then don’t tell the customers.
As soon as I said it, I could tell by her look that this was not going to be a good response. She sat back in her seat and moved her eyes from the bottom of my feet to my face. Then she responded, “You’re mighty thick for a vegetarian.” The words still pound in my head fifteen years later. I still remember the table number-number 75. Who was she to say that? She was thick too and she was ordering ribs!
As I stumbled to the kitchen, with my mouth in the shape of an O and my eyes glazed over like a lost child, I encountered my manager, Gettis. As I recounted the tale to him, he found it quite humorous and shared it with the entire staff.
I’m sure that thick lady has forgotten all about the vegetarian waitress and the ribs, but I wish that she hadn’t. Words are powerful-use them wisely.

Alcoholism

Alcoholism stalks us in the night
Dressed in a crisp, black suit
Disappearing into a Vodka bottle as it takes your soul.

Alcoholism haunts us as we try to sleep in our king sized bed
Sneaking into our dreams disguised as a friend wearing a t-shirt
But drags us to depression as a child forced to eat broccoli

Alcoholism whispers to us while we try to teach or preach
Sauntering through the front door wearing promises of happiness
Begging us for only one sip

Alcoholism assaults us in solitude
Clothed in a familiar tattered phrase
“One drink can’t hurt.”

3 Haikus

Crisp green foliage
Hanging gray moss clings to trees
White bird stalks its food

Orange sky says good-bye
Puffy clouds hover and float
Marsh lands go to sleep

White and black and tall
Lighthouse protects and calls us
White waves crash and fall

Goodnight Girls

Goodnight girls it’s
time to go to bed.

We’ll have more
fun tomorrow, she said in
her head.

Goodnight lights, it’s
time for the day give up the moon.

We’ll wake in the
morning and eat grits with a spoon.

Goodnight, love, it’s
time to rest our minds.
We’ll see each other
in our dreams and our heads.

Goodnight dog, it’s
time to cur on the bed,
we’ll play in
the morning and rub on your head.

Goodnight TV, it’s
time to go off.

We’ll search for the
remote in the morning
while Daddy plays golf.

Goodnight thoughts
it’s time for peace.

We’ll visit you
soon and hope that
you don’t cease.

Barbie Towel

The Barbie Towel-I will never be able to replace the towel because it sunk to the bottom of Lake Hartwell along with my own sense of security. Alex still remembers the towel and the incident that led to the lost towel; I don’t think that she’ll ever forget it.

“Do I have to wear it? I am so hot. I’m sweatin’ like crazy, Mommy,” Alex complained once again about the life jacket. We were only paddling about 200 yards to our campsite from the little island so what’s the harm.

“Nay. You’ll be fine,” I agreed. Mostly because putting on the jacket was a hassle and because I was tired of the whining.

“Okay,” reluctant Dan said. He hated to disagree with me because I usually won the arguments about parenting. I mean, I am the mom and I was usually right.

Deli, Alex, Dan and I hopped into the canoe and slowly glided towards the site of our tent. Deli, our 20 pound “mixed-breed,” paced back and forth and peered over the side of the tattered green canoe. "Alex hold on to my beer and bottle opener. Don't spill the beer," Dan instructed Alex.

"Yes Daddy. I won't spill it," Alex answered sweetly. For a three year old, Alex had an excellent vocabulary and spoke almost every word perfectly. She never said, "pill" for "spill" or any other funny language confusions that young children often do.

“Go right, Nicole,” Dan barked to me through sounds of Alex’s constant talk and Deli’s occasional interjection, “BARK, BARK, RUFF.”

“What?” I questioned amid the cacophony of sounds.

“Right, I said!” Dan squawked again.

“Okay,” I mumbled. I’ll go right.

“No,” yelled Dan!

“Oh, no!” I screamed.

As the canoe quickly and quietly flipped into the murky waters of Lake Hartwell to dump its inhabitants, I turned to catch a glimpse of my precious 3 year old daughter. She was everything to me. What had I done? What if I loose her? I couldn’t bear it. But, in this frozen moment, I saw Daddy, Dan, grab his precious 3 year old daughter. She was everything to him too. She was his best bud, his little girl, his everything.

As the muddy, cold water hit my face, I still had one thought-Alex. Where was she? Did Dan still have her? Suddenly, I felt a sharp, clawing pain on my neck. It was Deli. She could swim but still wanted me to hold her and protect her. Deli was scared too, and I had been her mommy for five years. But, as usually happens when a child is born, the family pet becomes like an old pair of worn jeans-important and dependable but not as crucial as the new diamond in your life. Alex was our sparkling diamond! I brushed Deli away and scanned for Alex and listened for any sign of her or my husband. Finally, as I defended my neck from Deli’s surprisingly sharp claws, I saw them. They were safe. Alex clung to Dan’s neck like gum stuck to the bottom of a shoe. Ironically, Alex also clutched the bottle of beer in one hand and the bottle opener in the other like the Statue of Libery holding her torch and tablet. She clung to them as if they were a life preserver that would help her survive the dirty water.

Then, I heard the sounds of our college friends on the beach of the little island. They were scrambling to reach us. They were scrambling to reach Alex. She was their diamond at that moment.

Dan and I made eye contact to reassure ourselves, and as I protected my face from Deli’s claws, I saw Alex’s desperate eyes. She was pleading with me with her stare, “Protect me, Mommy. I’m scared.” I gave her a reassuring glance and tried to swim to her with Deli attached to my neck. While I was swimming, I noticed our Birkenstocks and drinks bobbing in the brown lake water.

Kim and Tom reached us first and immediately grabbed Alex and plopped her in their canoe. Kim and Tom were experts in the field of canoeing and kayaking so I felt safe when I gave them my diamond. As Alex drifted away with Tom and Kim she asked, “Where’s my Barbie towel?” Dan and I looked and searched and dove for the towel; however, we were unable to locate the pink and white towel.

A few days later, Alex received a new towel, the Powerpuff Girls. She had matured past Barbie. Today, five years later, she still recalls and giggles about this event, but it makes me regret my neglect of her in that quick moment before we reentered the lake. “Nay. You’ll be fine.”

The Barbie towel at the depths of Lake Hartwell was sacrificed that day, but I still had my Alex. My Diamond.

Quote Analysis

During journal writing time on Monday June 25, 2007, Kris asked us to brainstorm cooking verbs, building verbs, and sports verbs and then incorporate them into a piece of writing that wasn’t about that topic. Or, we could revise another piece of writing with these verbs. I did it below with my quote analysis:

Quote“If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them.”-Henry David ThoreauThis quote reminds me of marriage. The castles in the air are the love and wedding and initial commitment. The excitement of mixing being together and starting the new journey in life is the groundwork. The honeymoon, the first home, the first car, and perhaps the first child are exhilarating and refreshing.Then the real world whips slaps you in the face. The first bills, the first fight, and the crying child are not so exhilarating and refreshing. They are exhausting!Marriage is hard work-the second hardest job after raising a child. I love my husband and my children, but it is a constant process.Thoreau was a nature and outdoor person so I assume he related this to nature. Perhaps, the process of writing about nature or the process of appreciating nature was the castles and foundations.Thoreau might also have been talking about writing. The thoughts and ideas are the castles but the revisions, edits, and drafts are the foundations.This quote also reminds me of cloud watching:Cloud Watching…Shapes of many people, places, things, etc.AlligatorSnoopyA sleeping dogAn appleA triangleSimmering Lying on our backs on the tired picnic table in our cluttered driveway searching for productive puffs of clouds, Sam and Alex and I and sometimes and neighborhood friends of the girls, we freeze wait and imagine and explain and knead persuade the different objects to each other. Then, “Oh yeah, I see it. I get it.” Or, “No, I don’t see it. I see a horse.”I wonder if Carl and his family ever did this? Probably(poem found by Sandburg in gift shop)CloudsClouds are sky fluff.Clouds go by and come back.Clouds keep changing.Clouds cover the sun, the moon, the stars.Clouds make themselves into many shapes.Cloud watching-A cheap form of entertainment-no, a free form of entertainment.It’s kind of like swaying on a swing and pumping away higher and higher into the sky. As an adult you forget how fun these things are, but when you have kids you return to some old, yet familiar and fun activities.Cloud watching is great and I hear there’s even a website for it.http://www.pals.iastate.edu/carlson/bunny_txt.html